🔗 Share this article

The current year marks a full decade since the term “disappearing” entered the public consciousness. At the time, the concept that someone could instantly end contact with a romantic interest without any notice seemed like the height of disrespect. How naive we were. In the ten-year span since, navigating toward a significant other has only become more perplexing – an oftentimes pointless pursuit in embarrassment that is increasingly pigeonholed by online jargon.

Gen Z, a generation who matured during a social isolation epidemic, a masculinity crisis, and a coordinated attack on the freedoms of females and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a significantly more chaotic environment than their millennial elders could ever envision. And so their dating lexicon has grown longer and more bizarre, with terms like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” testing the boundaries of your sanity.

Below is a detailed glossary to the phrases this generation is using to talk about romance, intimacy and the search of both. To paraphrase one of the recent most enduring memes, by the conclusion of this glossary you’ll ache to get back to God’s country – because wherever that is, it lacks “wokefishing”.

---

A

Authenticity – According to Zoomers, dating’s ideal is presenting as your real, unfiltered self. You'll need it with that!

B

Avian theory – A TikTok trend inspired by a framework developed by couples researchers, in which you point out something insignificant – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and note whether your date's reply is interested or brushed off. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Black cat girlfriend – Zoomers' rebuttal to the “quirky fantasy girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend focuses on her own needs while oozing enigma and self-sufficiency. (She could possibly have that fringe.)

C

Support test – This refers to going for someone who aids you without being asked. If you walked into a room, they would pull up a chair for you to take a load off.

Task-based bonding – A outing where two people bond while handling tasks, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped people in their 20s do low-cost romance in a post-cheap-date world.

Melting down – Having a breakdown when you feel burdened by life. You can crash out over a crush or breakup, venting all of your unreciprocated emotions.

D

DINK – Two incomes, no children. Once a signifier of 80s young urban professional affluence, it refers to partners who choose against having children to prioritize their own happiness. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

E

Vulnerable signaling – The antithesis of playing it cool: practicing communication, transparency and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Indicators

• Red flags – Behavioral traits suggesting a potential partner is bad news. For instance calling their exes crazy, bad tipping habits, a fondness for Woody Allen films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Green flags – These quirks affirm your decision to date a partner. For instance checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal phone use, having a proper bed …
• Beige flags – These usually describe specific, largely harmless quirks. Such as being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still carrying around a biro in their purse, paying the rent in physical money …

Niche bonding – When you connect with someone who’s just as obsessive about documentaries about the WWII or physical media hoarding or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who hates the same stuff or individuals that you do (few things fosters intimacy faster than sharing a nemesis).

The Letter G

Geese – A musical group your gen Z boyfriend likes.

Ghostlighting – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a length of ghosting.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is affable, eager to please and loyal. The rare partner who is beloved by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's opposite.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online subculture of men so obsessed with masturbation that they attempt extended sessions, intentionally postponing climax so they can continue as long as possible.

The Letter H

Heterofatalism – A trend describing many women’s increasing despair toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

High-value woman – An archetype touted by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and contentedly domestic, who apparently has no aspirations of her own other than pleasing her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to understand the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Turn-offs – Arbitrary and often mundane repulsions that immediately kill any feelings of attraction.

“He would if he cared" – Something to remember after you watch someone else receive an incredibly sweet gesture.

The Letter J

Professions – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “banker” is the ultimate partner: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd prefer partners in fields they perceive as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: nurses, teachers or therapists.

K

Making out – This year, researchers learned that kissing has existed for 16 million years. But the days of locking lips may be waning since some Zoomers desire fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen romance authentic.

Kittenfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {